April 14, 2012
20 Sleepover Secrets
what to know and have when having a sleepover with boys.
1. Keep a LARGE stash of band-aids on hand, you will need them
2. Do not let them watch a scary movie before bed; no matter what they say they WILL be scared and you will have to watch 5 episodes of sponge bob afterwards to erase the images from their head.
3. Get pizza. It's easy, its fast, it requires few dishes. Don't try to impress boys with something fancy, you will never impress them more than with pizza.
4. Get yourself some ear plugs or earphones and music...and try some strong visualization mediation when things get really rowdy.
5. actually just get yourself some wine.
6. Remember to have fun too. Think of some stuff you can do with them instead of letting them run wild the whole time, it will keep things under control and you'll have more fun!
7. The house is not going to remain clean- let it go. Tomorrow is a new day.
8. Boys get scared of the dark too. Don't forget the night lights!
9. Do ask the parents for an extra change of clothes. How many outfits does your son go through in one day? exactly. somehow parents forget this so ask.
10. Do serve Ice cream :)
11. Don't serve seconds. you will regret it.
12. limit car trips to as short as possible. The more boys you have, the shorter I would recommend making them.
13. Have a plan but be flexible. Plans can change, and probably will.
14. Know parents phone numbers in case someone is seriously hurt. Make sure you know where they will be.
15. You can attempt to not do anything that promotes injury, but don't be surprised if they get one anyway.
16. Have Cereal for breakfast...again, it's easy, fast, few dishes, and nothing is more likely to impress.
17. Check around the house, in back of the house, on top of the house, for friends clothes before they leave. Clothes are hard to get back once they have left them somewhere.
18. Be prepared to clean up quite a mess when friends leave and don't expect your own to be much help if they stayed up late. They are gonna be cranky.
19. Let friends and parents know with a smile on your face (you will be able to put that away soon) how very much you appreciated having them over, maybe your being so polite will envoke an invite for a sleepover at THEIR house!
20. Breath! you made it! Now don't forget the left over pizza slices under the couch. make sure the lizard (frog, tarantula, etc) is in his cage.
Our First Brush with Bullying
How it went down:
I could hear the football game in the front yard going strong while I put laundry away in the boys room. My two boys and a couple of older neighborhood boys were getting more and more serious about the game and I could almost (as usual) anticipate what was about to happen. My oldest boy, a nine year old aspiring artist and guitar player who has always been two sizes too small for his grade, has always just had some other strengths than a lot of the kids around him. He was working hard as always however to fit in with the "jocks" in my front yard, including his 6 year old brother. I listened in as the teasing toned in faintly at first, with a "geez Caleb you are really off your game today" and a couple other sideways remarks. As the game went on I could hear Caleb getting singled out more and more in a harsher, louder manner which was starting to sound a lot like bullying to me. I debated to myself what to do. I know they are tough guys but come on now, a mommy can only take so much. All I could think of was running out there and give those kids a good piece of my mind and then sending them home with their tails between their legs.
I ended up stopping myself though and thought I would just see how it played out. It wasn't full on bullying yet, although it was getting pretty close. I do believe in life teaching my boys more than I can by hoping in to save them every time things go downhill. I want them to know how to handle themselves as they grow into men. That doesn't mean not stepping in ever, it just means stepping in at the right time, in the right way. Not an easy challenge, I know. I also know that bullying is such a powerful thing. Many terrible things have happened to children because of bullying, and I can recall my own stories as an awkward early bloomer in third grade, so watching as my baby went through it wasn't easy. Seconds before I was about to give in and run out to save the day, my little man came running in the house with tears welling up in his eyes. I came in and sat down next to him and said "what's the matter honey" wanting to give him a chance to talk out his feelings...but of course being a little man he just says "mom stop. I don't want to talk about it". A little bit of coaxing though and he was ready to spill. What shocked me was what I heard in his words and I wanted to know how to help him to grow from this experience not be damaged by it.
what my 9 yr. old belived from his experience:
1. He believed every word said as absolute truth.
2. He has not yet learned to question other peoples credibility and motivation when considering what they are saying.
2. Whenever someone tells you that you are no good, say this to yourself "well Ill get better but your still gonna just be a bully" (hey I call it like I see it)
3. Aside from believing them, he had drawn his own, even worse conclusions about himself from what was said. i.e: they said he was a terrible catcher, he took this to mean that he was stupid, didn't know anything about football, and that he wasn't good at sports.
Here's what I knew: Left to stew in his head, this information could very quickly override the years of my self esteem building and self worth we as parents worked to instill in him. Not to mention, have other negative side effects like turning him into a bully himself because others did it to him. I didn't want that to happen now, or if in the future he is bullied. I wanted him to know how to handle this, what it really meant, and how to put it into perspective. I cautiously proceeded with some quick reconstruction work...
My advice to my son:
1. Most of the time, when a person feels like they need to pick on someone and make them feel bad it is because there is something inside them, making them feel bad about themselves. It has a lot less to do with you than it does them. (That one I remembered from my mom)
/> 3. Whenever someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself, make a list in your mind of all the things that are wonderful about you and that you are amazing at. I offered to sit and make that list with him on paper right there so that he would be able to easily remember those things when the time came.
4. There are two types of bullying and everyone gets bullied by someone at sometime. What is important is how you handle it. Remember first, that verbal bullying is all lies. For whatever reason bullies feel they need to bully, their words are lies.
5. Verbal Bullying is only powerful if you let it be. Do not hang around with people that bully you, choose to be around people that lift you up. If it does happen, remember what I've told you.
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| after our talk- "I am pretty awesome hu?" |
6. Never bully someone else, because you know how it feels and it feels awful.
7. Feel compassion for the person who bullied you and pray for them It may be their home life or something else that makes them feel they need to do that. you can't know what it is, but God does and God can help them.
9. Physical bullying requires one thing of you: tell an adult immediately.
Resources and sites with advice on bullying:
No name calling week
stopbullying.gov
Character Counts
April 09, 2012
no good reason
 “One of the scariest aspects of raising boys is their tendency to risk life and limb for no good reason.”― James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys |
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